6 months of living with type 1 diabetes in our family.
I remember how much day 6 was different than day 1. I remember how much better 6 weeks felt than that first week. Today, I can say that 6 months into D is so much better than our first month was. I hope that it continues this way. I hope that our 1 year is leaps and bounds from today even. I hope that 5 years will feel completely different than this first year. I hope our first decade will be so much better than today, that we will have a hard time remembering how hard it was for us at first.
1 year ago I never thought I would be living this life. But I honestly feel I prepared my whole life for it. I was born "In Charge." My mom tells stories of how I would ask her, "Do you have your keys, your purse, your receipt?" I was 3, and not only did I ask but my mom would respond as though she really needed me to ask. I never fit into any one's molds and I didn't care. When I was in 2nd grade I had "math-itus." During math time I would get sick EVERYDAY until finally my teacher would let me sit at her desk and do my work. It wasn't that I was bad at it, it was that I wanted to be perfect and I had to know after each step, each problem that I was doing it right. By 4th grade I sat in the back of my class with a 5th or 6th grade math book and worked independently. By 11th grade I decided I was done with high school and took the High School Equivalency Exam. I started at a local jr college in the fall majoring in Aeronautical Engineering. I hated it, so I changed it. My whole life I set big goals, and if something got in my way I just solved the problem. Everything in my life has been about finding solutions to problems. It is what I do. It is why I can run a business, and many different kinds of them. It is my skill set.
So after all this I was just going to stay home and raise babies? I never have been the nurturing kind. Why did I feel that I wasn't allowed to want that, just because I was good at working? But now, more than ever I see that staying home to raise my children is my passion. It will change, but for now it is not only what I am doing but it is what I WANT to do. So much of who I am right now is wrapped up in taking care of not only my beautiful (genius) daughter, but my sweet crazy boy. Then for added challenge we throw D in the mix. But guess what, I prepared my whole life to be able to manage D. I do obsess over it. Johnny's Endo told me in a nice way that I was micro managing D. Heck ya! I will take that as a compliment. It might drive me crazy but it is the ultimate in testing my problem solving skills.
So what I want to remember 6 months into diagnosis is this: I was always meant to be Johnny and Jocelyn's Mama. I came into this fight with D prepared to win. I have a proven track record at succeeding and getting what I want. I know how to find resources, support, and answers to get the outcome I aim for. I have never done anything with out being completely terrified, because everything I do is a challenge. This might be my ultimate challenge, at least for this time in my life. Just like every other time before, I will succeed. D won't beat us.