I was promised that raising a child with Type 1 D would eventually become our new normal.
What does that mean though?
It doesn't mean that we would get back our "old" normal. Not even close. It doesn't mean we will ever feel normal either.
I think it means we will become "used to it," calloused, numb to the everyday battle we have.
I no longer spend hours trying to figure out why my son was 58 at lunch when he has had fine lunch numbers for a week.
I no longer wonder why eating pizza can raise him up to over 450 even though he was given enough insulin and in time it will come down.
I no longer am sad when my sweet 3 year old hits me out of anger, I just test his blood sugar and know it is because he is low... I give some juice and we move on.
I don't cry anymore when I hear my baby boy explain to his Uncle how his pump "puts holes in my skin for my insulin."
I don't panic when my toddler is so low he doesn't recognize me, or when he is so low he can't find the right words even though I can see that he is terrified.
I haven't slept more than 4 hours straight in.... I can't even tell you. (And 4 hours is pretty long for us)
I no longer call and email our endo team for every basal, insulin to carb, insulin sensitivity factor, and IOB change because... eh... I know what they will say. They do not know either. But "Blah" is the best guess to treat it.
I am no longer depressed about it all, I take Zoloft.
Our normal includes: love; laughter; fun; giggles; magic; toys; preschool; family; holidays; treats; friends; vacations; learning; bedtimes; and play dates just like I always expected. But now, it includes all the other D stuff that is hard.
In the beginning I was told that it will get easier, but I think the better way to say it is, "In time it wont scare you to death every moment of every day. Nothing will change, you will still have the same struggles you face in the beginning, but in time the ups and downs wont paralyze you. You will get to a point that you are happy and enjoying life again. You will have seen enough highs and lows to roll with them. You wont even notice the medical device(s) attached to your child 24/7 to keep them alive. You will be able to think about other things besides diabetes."