187 days

Well, we made it. 

6 months of living with type 1 diabetes in our family.

I remember how much day 6 was different than day 1.  I remember how much better 6 weeks felt than that first week.  Today, I can say that 6 months into D is so much better than our first month was.  I hope that it continues this way.  I hope that our 1 year is leaps and bounds from today even.  I hope that 5 years will feel completely different than this first year.  I hope our first decade will be so much better than today, that we will have a hard time remembering how hard it was for us at first. 

1 year ago I never thought I would be living this life.  But I honestly feel I prepared my whole life for it.  I was born "In Charge."  My mom tells stories of how I would ask her, "Do you have your keys, your purse, your receipt?"  I was 3, and not only did I ask but my mom would respond as though she really needed me to ask.  I never fit into any one's molds and I didn't care.  When I was in 2nd grade I had "math-itus."  During math time I would get sick EVERYDAY until finally my teacher would let me sit at her desk and do my work.  It wasn't that I was bad at it, it was that I wanted to be perfect and I had to know after each step, each problem that I was doing it right.  By 4th grade I sat in the back of my class with a 5th or 6th grade math book and worked independently.  By 11th grade I decided I was done with high school and took the High School Equivalency Exam.  I started at a local jr college in the fall majoring in Aeronautical Engineering.  I hated it, so I changed it.  My whole life I set big goals, and if something got in my way I just solved the problem.  Everything in my life has been about finding solutions to problems.  It is what I do.  It is why I can run a business, and many different kinds of them.  It is my skill set. 

So after all this I was just going to stay home and raise babies?  I never have been the nurturing kind.  Why did I feel that I wasn't allowed to want that, just because I was good at working?  But now, more than ever I see that staying home to raise my children is my passion.  It will change, but for now it is not only what I am doing but it is what I WANT to do.  So much of who I am right now is wrapped up in taking care of not only my beautiful (genius) daughter, but my sweet crazy boy.  Then for added challenge we throw D in the mix.  But guess what, I prepared my whole life to be able to manage D.  I do obsess over it.  Johnny's Endo told me in a nice way that I was micro managing D.  Heck ya!  I will take that as a compliment.  It might drive me crazy but it is the ultimate in testing my problem solving skills. 

So what I want to remember 6 months into diagnosis is this:  I was always meant to be Johnny and Jocelyn's Mama.  I came into this fight with D prepared to win.  I have a proven track record at succeeding and getting what I want.  I know how to find resources, support, and answers to get the outcome I aim for.  I have never done anything with out being completely terrified, because everything I do is a challenge.  This might be my ultimate challenge, at least for this time in my life.  Just like every other time before, I will succeed.  D won't beat us.